It’s Children’s Mental Health Week, and I want to talk about something that actually helps when someone you care about is struggling.
I work with many parents whose children are finding school hard. And I get it. I really do.
At sixteen, I went to a highly academic school and it triggered a wave of mental health challenges that took me years to recover from. So when parents come to me worried about their children, I understand what’s at stake.
But this isn’t just about children.
Adults struggle with this too. Anyone who has ever felt stuck, incapable, or like they’re failing at something they feel they should be able to do will recognise this feeling.
There is one concept that makes a real difference, and it is backed by research.
It’s called self-efficacy.
Albert Bandura’s work on self-efficacy shows that we need to believe we are capable in order to find the courage to try. Self-efficacy is the belief that you can figure things out, that effort leads somewhere, and that progress is possible.
This is often where we get it wrong, even with the best intentions.
We say things like “just do your best” or “it doesn’t matter, you tried.” But when someone is struggling, that language can fall flat. They don’t need reassurance that it doesn’t matter. They need evidence that they are making progress. They need to see that they can do something.
That’s what builds self-efficacy. And that’s what starts to ease anxiety, avoidance, and shutdown.
So what can you do, whether this is for your child, yourself, or someone you’re supporting?
First, reduce the pressure. Step back. Take a break. Create space to breathe.
Then, and this part matters, create a clear plan with small, achievable steps. Identify what they cannot do yet and help them see progress as they move forward.
Don’t just say “you’ll get there.” Show them how.
Break it down. Make the steps manageable. Let them experience success, even small success, so belief can start to rebuild.
Because once someone believes they are capable, everything begins to change.
